Harumph! Kids These Days! On Changing Our Tone About Young People

"There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children."

- Nelson Mandela

A lot has been said in the media lately about the degeneration of our youth and their seeming lack of moral character, their resulting destructive behavior, and their defiance.  I, personally, was involved in a conversation recently where the woman with whom I was talking mentioned how much she appreciates people like me who have a heart for educating middle school students because, if left up to her, "I would just want to smack those little brats around if I had to teach them!" she exclaimed.

Really?  Smack them around?  For what? 

Anybody who has gone through formal training to be a teacher and anybody who has worked with young people for some time knows that during these formative years they go through an incredible amount of changes, rapidly and chaotically, generally without a lot of understanding of what is happening to them.  The early adolescent phase (roughly ages 11-14) is exceptionally difficult for students physically, chemically, socially, and emotionally.  As their bodies grow faster than sometimes their brains can keep up, they begin to care about what others think of them and start to select friendships based on common interests or perceived identities.  They get very insecure about new physical developments--voices cracking, acne, clumsiness, becoming young women or men, newly discovered physical attractions, body image, self-esteem--you name it, they are confronted with it, all for the first time and all during these years. Intellectually, these people move from what developmental psychologist Jean Piaget terms, "Concrete Operational" thinking to "Formal Operational," which means that they go from seeing the world in very obvious, clearly defined ways to thinking in more abstract terms.  Ever try to use sarcasm or irony with an eight year old only to be left with crickets chirping or hurt feelings?  Walk into an eighth grade classroom, on the other hand, and it's practically the standard form of communication.  

All of these physical changes lead to further complications in terms of young adolescents' social/emotional development.  It is during these years that they begin to question the world around them, exploring their own beliefs and identities, and forming their own opinions based on their new experiences and brain capacities.  They become sensitive to issues of equity and social justice, often challenging disciplinary decisions they believe to be unfairly administered or advocating for some type of change in their community.  They squabble, goof around, fidget in desks that they are quickly outgrowing, and make and break friendships almost on a daily basis.  The mantra for middle school tends to be the idea of defining oneself and then defending that identity in the midst of peer pressure, cliques, "in" crowds and "out" crowds.  These are the years when bullying is heightened as insecurities flare and cause these young people to judge others they perceive to be different.  The irony is that all these young people really want is to be accepted, and in fighting for that acceptance, they often scramble over each other in the race to "coolness."  Anybody will tell you that the simplest way to define who you are is to identify who you are not.  Bullying comes from insecure people who target others who are not like them.

So what do we do to confront issues of bullying in our schools?  What do we do to guide these young people toward the kind of behavior that we adults deem "socially acceptable"?

Most of the time, we model exactly what we do not want them to do.

Turn on network television and you will see "judges" on tv shows using their position of power to berate people in their courtrooms; you will see politicians and talking heads demonizing teachers and launching vicious attacks on good people's character, all while yelling over them in interviews; and you will see an explosion of heated conversation about the story of a young person who was essentially stalked and killed by an adult for walking through the "wrong neighborhood" while wearing a hoodie.  Go to your favorite social media outlet and watch threads of people dehumanizing each other, name-calling and personally attacking people they don't even know for their opinions or beliefs.  Read how complicated issues get simplified, and people argue with each other using 140 characters or less.  Witness the rise of social media "trolls," whose sole purpose is to act as internet bullies.  All around us, figuratively and literally, wars are waged and lives are lost as bullying rages on a global scale.

We adults can't seem to figure out how to get along, yet we have the audacity to blame young people for their behavior? 

I suppose it's easier that way, for us to define who we are based on who we are not.  Being fixated on the woes of the younger generation keeps us distracted from looking at ourselves and challenging our own behavior.  When we disconnect from our responsibility for raising our youth, it becomes second nature to find someone else to blame for their behavior.  If it's not me, it must be the teachers.  If it's not me, it must be other parents.  If it's not me, it must be poverty.  If it's not me, it must be atheists.  If it's not me, it must be...well...anybody but me.

My challenge to you today is to begin to reflect on your own behavior, language, and actions.  How are you modeling the behavior you expect to see from young people today?  How are you actively engaged in being a positive force of change in our society?  Most importantly, how are you challenging your own beliefs, digging deep to find and address hidden bias and agendas, and possibly working through your own insecurities or fears?  Our young people need you to be there for them.  They need to see consistency in appropriate behavior to clearly understand and act on what is expected of them.  Above all else, our young people need you to love them, care for them, be kind to them, and give them the benefit of the doubt as they grow and make mistakes along the way.  Remember, you were once a member of the proverbial group of "[harumph!] kids these days," and you probably frustrated a lot of older people who did not understand your generation.  Treat these new young people how you wish you had been treated, and I guarantee you will see that just like you, they have many wonderful things to offer the world.  They just need our guidance to help them get there.